Sunday, March 28, 2010

My One True Unconditional Love

While I was pregnant Eric was there. He wasn't there like other fathers. He didn't go to every doctor's appointment. I hated being single and pregnant. I felt like such a statistic. It was my own fault.

One day Danny knocked on my door. My belly met him in the threshold. The look on his face said it all. Someone else I had disappointed. I never heard from Danny after that day.

I tried to stay hidden my entire pregnancy. I went to work and came straight home to my mother's house.

Until one day Eric told me he was going to buy a house for me, him, and the baby.

I had so much fun house shopping. We settled on a three story townhouse. It was all mine to decorate however I wanted. It was exactly what I needed while I waited for the baby.

Blasts from the past would call out of the blue. Like Noah, Justin, and Jason. I stayed focused on my baby and Eric. For the first time in my life I was totally committed to having something real and making it work.

Living with Eric was nothing like I imagined. While I was as big as a house he was staying out all hours of the night. Sometimes not coming home until 5 AM the next morning.

While my fat ass was in the house alone. Night after night. Carrying our child. Taking pride in our house. Having dinner ready every night when he came home from work. Cooking, cleaning, trying to turn myself into June Cleaver or some damn body.

I had never felt more unwanted in my life. I couldn't wait to have the baby so I could turn the tables on his ass.

Then he came. My baby boy. He was perfect. Every bit of love that I might have been searching for up to this point I saw in his eyes. He was so innocent and depended on me for everything. I would not allow myself to let him down.

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